Is revealing sexual orientation at work sexual harassment?

I am the director of a non-profit organization. Recently, at the request of staff we began playing simple games at the end of our weekly staff meetings. These "games" were for the purpose of staff development per se. This past week we each took a handful of peanuts and for each peanut we were to say something about ourselves.

The first person went and said her birthday, about her family, her jerky boyfriend, etc. The next person said a number of things including that she is gay. This is New Hampshire and I have a real problem with her declaring something of a sexual nature in a work meeting. I confronted her on this issue telling her I was afraid someone could have been offended. I told her she was not to speak about being gay at work. She was very upset. This is an employee I have valued greatly.

Rita Risser's response:

This illustrates exactly why such "games" are dangerous at work. First you invade someone's privacy by forcing them to say something personal about themselves, then you are unhappy with the result. Focusing on work is the best way to create a good working environment.

You say that you have a problem with your gay employee declaring something of a sexual nature at work. Yet the other employee talked about "her jerky boyfriend." Isn't this something of a sexual nature? Now you know the sexual orientations of two of your employees. To be consistent, either everyone gets to talk about their sexual orientation, or no one. Once you allow people to say they're married, fairness demands you allow others to say they're gay. Certainly if gay or heteropeople start talking about what they do in bed, you have a potential sexual harassment claim, but merely stating one's orientation is not offensive.

It's true that New Hampshire (and most states) don't recognize sexual orientation discrimination. However, all states recognize invasion of privacy. A good lawyer would turn this into an invasion of privacy case and have an excellent chance of winning. I suggest you apologize to this employee, admit your discomfort with people who are gay, ask for her help and understanding, continue to value her work, and stop the stupid games!

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